A Car Factory? Ep. 4: Tile-Stealing Mutha-Shut Yo Mouth!

Prologue

I have been taking piano lessons for years now, and I've become accustomed to performing the pieces that I learned at recitals. I mean, I would get nervous, but nothing serious.
A couple years ago, my piano teacher decided that she would like to have the recitals at a local retirement home. All I can say is: I assume the warmth and humidity inside the building is what warped the piano. It sounded terrible the first time I played it.
Anyways, so I go to the recital I play my piece and sit back on my chair. The piano was surprisingly well tuned, of course I can't fit under it. I swear, that thing is so tiny.
The retirement home felt so strange. For the duration of the recital, which was only 35 minutes by the way, I sat there and just listened to all the noises around me. Muttering from over there, a weird metallic clinking somewhere up high, over to the left. An utterly surreal experience.

Actual Post

After the recital, I headed over to Aric's, we hopped into Isaac's car, and we were off. Off to Isaac's house so Rob and him could get coats, that is.

Finally, we left Paris, and headed to Future Shop to meet up Kevin. This was Kevin's first time at the Ford Plant, and Rob's second time. We were just outside the parking lot of Future Shop, when Matt called Kevin, and let's just say that I did one of my personal best Bill Cosby impersonation.

We're heading down the Wayne Gretzky Parkway and about to turn onto Colborne St., with Kevin following behind, when Born To Be Wild by Steppenwolf came on the radio. Of course, we had to turn it up. Rob, Isaac, Matt, and I were just belting it, as we rolled along the road. At one point, we came to a stop light. Apparently, the man in the car next to us did not appreciate our rock. Maybe 'cause we were rockin' TOO FUCKIN' HARD, MAN! WOO! YEAH!

*ahem*

Sorry.

We arrive at the familiar parking lot that is just down from the Ford Plant. Isaac gets the spot that he always gets, and Kevin pops in right beside us. We exit the car and we all notice the strange beeping that is coming from somewhere around us. It sounded like it was coming from the rooftops, which is weird... Cat burglars? Sloth burglars?

Whatever it was, it didn't stop us. We bravely trudged forwards. It was obvious that Zark'ol had something to do with this...er...wrong story.

Anyways Lucas back to the Ford Plant, when we got there Tim was just opening the doors. Perfect timing. We waited in the lobby/art gallery/place for a bit and then moved into the showroom. Nothing yet, so we went back out into the lobby. Kevin and I messed around on the piano, and Isaac reminded us why no one bought the soundtracks to the Terminator series.

Isaac was hungry and no one was playing yet so we trekked over to KFC and Isaac got a Big Crunch Combo, but used a coupon to get another! Wow! Kevin purchased a small pitiful lump of Colonel and bread called the Colonel Snacker. I also order a Big Crunch Combo.

"Why are you telling us this?" you may ask. Shut the fuck up, it's important.

Back to the FP we went. Some guy was playing, he was standing with a guitar slung around his neck. It was distorted and had maybe a bit of reverb. Not enough if you ask me, it sounded to sterile. He wailed and banged on his guitar, as my sandwich whispered sweetly to Matt.

Honestly, I thought this guy was really awful. Some of his singing was okay if he wasn't pushing for the high notes. Otherwise, it was just derivative singer-songwriter rock. Bleh.

Almost all the drums and mics were setup already, so the next hopped onto stage and began one of the most entertaining sets I have witnessed at the Ford Plant. It was all about the Torcus for about half an hour of our lives, but it felt like an eternity of rock.

Here's a little back story about them: The Torcus are almost entirely a cover band. They play 60's rock, but also seem to have a passion for the Who. I have seen them before. They played the first (last?) time Aric went. The Doers were playing that night, also, which was awesome by the way. The Torcus were entertaining, but nothing to really make me need new trousers.

All that was about to change. This night, the Torcus were ready, ready for the rock.

One guy was holding a Hofner "violin" bass, another with a sexy red arch-top guitar, and the last sitting at a drum set. They began playing, and the song was immediately danceable. They played a bunch of 60's rock and roll tunes, and some of their own.

All of the band members showed their skill. The drummer was precise, and loud. The guitarist had excellent form, and played expertly. His solos nothing over the top, but had melody, which is something I look for in a good solo. The bassist kept the tempo with interesting lines. All was good! Suddenly, they bassist and the guitarist switched places. A whole new set was about to begin.

(Note: At this point, things have gotten a little mixed up in my mind because of what comes in a bit, so apologies to the Torcus if I say things out of place.)

They played a couple tunes in this manner, but then the fires of rock burned in their eyes, their hearts...their souls...

The new guitarist told us that they were going to play a couple of songs that are all in the key of E. This was the beginning of a huge instrumental solo-fest that I have never seen at the Ford Plant or anywhere else.

The guitarist was playing this riff/solo, when he walks into the crowd and keeps playing. Tim Ford was up near the front and started to rub his hands, and put them close to the guy's guitar; the fire was heating up the cold, and lonely Ford Plant.

Jumps, kicks, solos! They were everywhere! At one point, both the bassist and the guitarist were synced in their jumps and right when they hit the ground, they let out a resounding power chord.

During all this, the drummer was going completely Keith Moon on us. He was going fucking nuts! Snare, tom, kick, snare, hi-hat, crash, snare, snare, snariddly, hi-hat, tom, kickity, kick-snare, snare, crash, crash. Beautiful.

It was so enjoyable. The guitarist for the last half was just going nuts on his guitar. I noticed that he was a bit off time for the beginning of his half set, but then he warmed up and played wonderfully.

I find it so refreshing to see a band that isn't afraid to just rock out with their phallus flying.

So we left the Ford Plant happy and...what? A headliner? Oh geez...

The Torcus really stole the show from the headling band, the Books Elusive, which is too bad, because they were really good too.

The Books Elusive is just a lady with a guitar and a guy with some drums. I just assumed that they were going to play pleasant indie rock or something. I jokingly remarked to Matt, "...and it turns out they're a noise band!"

At that moment, the drummer slammed onto his tom and snare, and the room was saturated in noisy rock and roll. The drummer, Damon de Szegheo, tore a whole in the Ford Plant with his blistering beats. I still can't believe fast he was. Damon would do these sweet poses in between beats that would last about a second or two, but it made him look so much cooler.

Then we have the guitarist, Lynne Dubuc. She had a sexy, dark, guitar hanging from her neck that she attacked with her pick. She had this dirty, fat, grimy tone that gave the songs a edge.

What made me truly enjoy their set, besides the name-taking ass-kicking drumming, was Lynne's voice. She has this strange way of getting the words out of her mouth. Her voice is really different, it really makes the songs interesting. I love she just growled the words sometimes. Nothings more punk than awesome growly singing! Okay, maybe there is, but I like growly singing.

The songs themselves would not nearly be as good if they weren't played by the Books Elusive. Sometimes I found that they verged on the mainstream, but Damon's pounding drumming and Lynne's singing kept it too scary, and too rocking, for Abercrombie and Fitch. Which is good, I wouldn't want a bunch of excellent musicians such as these to get crushed by the music machine, and it seemed that they didn't either.

They had a few technical problems. Lynne's guitar, from 1962 no less, at one point became horribly out of tune. Thankfully this happened between songs so we were treated to witty banter. Damon told us a story about getting to the Ford Plant before Tim got there. A sign was left on the door that said "No bands showed up yet, go to the Rodeo." Damon said "So we though, 'That's cryptic', and headed to the Rodeo" It ended up with Damon in the bathroom at the Rodeo, and he saw that a tile was missing. Apparently, where the tile is missing someone carved "Who ever took this tile, bring it back, fucker". Finally, Lynne got the guitar tuned and the show was back on track.

Overall, despite the first guy, it was a rocking night. It was too bad that Kevin had to leave after the Torcus finished, but such is life. When we got into the car at the end of the night, beeping had stopped. I guess, the cat-burglar had left and was having a good night with all those stolen goods. Well I mean, it's a good night when you impress the sexy indie chicks with the Beethoven you played at a recital that night. Hehe.

We left that night with the memories of indie lobster's cut hair, Colonel's chickeny Snacker, and a giant Cassie. The memory that was clearest in my mind was something that Lynne Dubuc said when she was tuning her 46 year old guitar. "On the count of three everyone say: 'Train wreck!'" Train wreck? Hardly.

-Lucas Thurston